Sideways Leftways Upsidedownways
by nikoboo
Summary: What happens when utter stupidity in a hunman body tries to 'help' Draco, even though he doesn't want it? Chaos, fights, octupus's, and possibly...love. Draco x OC don't read if you don't like O.C's please.


Hmm...well, first HP fic. I normally do anime fics so be nice ne? This takes place in the main characters last year at Hogwarts, Dumbledore's still alive (- hey! Don't wave that timeline at me!) and Voldemort's dead. Or somethin' like that. He's ah...he's just gone okay! Gosh don't interrogate me! Right well, there's an O.C in this, and because I normally do anime fics, the story's a bit...anime-ish.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the character Charlie and the word 'puggles'

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Chapter one: Crazy much?

_"WHAT!"_

Charlie stared at the four who had just yelled. She was standing on one of the low tables in the Gryffindor Common Room, arms over her head like she had just shouted a great revelation. Apparently Ginny, Harry, Ron, and Hermione didn't find it as cool as she did. They merely blinked at her.

"Nani-oh I mean, what?"

Ginny spoke first. "We are talking about the same person right?"

Charlie nodded, her long black hair swaying in front of her white-silver eyes. She blinked curiously. Yes she was born in Japan then moved to the U.S. and learned English quite fluently even though she normally spoke her heart language of Nihon-go (Japanese) at home, yes it was odd that she came to Hogwarts for her last year even though she had been "home schooled" by her older brother since she was ten, yes it was strange how she used her hands instead of a wand, but was her English _that _horrible that they couldn't comprehend what she had _just _said?

_Ano. . .Watashi no eigo wa chotto heta desu ka?(Is my English still a litle bit bad?)_

"Hai. Yes, I was talking about-"

"DRACO MALFOY!" Ron had thundered.

Charlie nodded a bit of exasperation shown on her face. "Hai!"

Harry shook his head. He had gotten used to Charlie's strange outburst, her random acts, stumming her guitar and singing down the corridors on her way to classes, making paper cranes fly across the great hall and giggling like an amused twelve year old, but _this..._

This was just crazy. "It's not gonna work. He's not even gonna notice. And if he does, he's gonna do anything he can to get you away from him."

Charlie stuck her tongue out at him and gave him her famous one fanged smile. "Baaaaaka (_stupid/idiot/dummy _). I'll show ya! I'll achive my goal by the end of the school year! I swear it on my aniki's (_older brother's_) grave."

Hermione blinked and smiled. "But . . . your brother's still alive."

"Huh - oh yeah...I forgot..."

Her reply was greeted by light laughter by the other four. The shock and coldness had disappeared from they're area. Charlie smiled and joined the laughter.

After a while, Ron took a deep breath and asked, "So you're really gonna try to-"

"Nope," interrupted Charlie. "I ain't gonna _try,_ I'm gonna _accomplish_ it!" Once again she stood on the table, this time with her right hand over her heart. The four stared with smirks as she started to speak.

"I swear on my not-dead brother's grave that I will make Draco Malfoy laugh a true laugh, smile a real smile, and find him a true girlfriend! I now PRONOUNCE you MAN and WIFE!"

Her voice had gotten louder with each sentence. Harry smiled. "Charlie, that's the wrong oath."

She spun to face him, cheeks red, and pointed at Ron who looked a bit surprised. " YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE!"

Roaring laughter from Ginny and Hermione ended the evening.

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"When I'm with you I feel a rush cuz I've never liked any one so much!" (1) Charile sang, strumming her guitar and dancing down the stairs and just not watching where she was going.

Thankful that it was a Friday morning, she sang even louder. "Everybody's sayin' it's just a crush but I think it's somethin' more." She smiled and did a few twirls, making some other students jump out of her way and give her an irritated glare which she didn't even notice. She started to sing even louder, dancing more, fingers gracefully strumming her white and silver guitar, not noticing the student that was walking in her direction.

"It's not because I'm bored or lonely, I just wanna be your one and - YIKES!"

And into a collision with the other student she fell. By the time they had hit the ground they were nothing more than a tangle of limbs. Stars and little drumsets spun around her head, a slight quacking filling her head.

She shook her head roughly, at least as much as she could being tangled with another student, trying to make the drumsets and stars go away. She didn't mind the quacking. She liked ducks.

Charlie untangled her self, stood quickly, gave her cutest smile and stretched her hand out for the other student. "Ha ha. Sorry, sorry. My fault. I shoulda watched where I was goin-" she stopped abruptly as she saw who she was speaking to.

Blonde hair, gray-blue eyes.

Draco Malfoy.

"HEY!"

Draco looked slightly taken aback, an odd look on his face like he wasn't sure to be shocked or to get angry at her sudden yelling and pointing at him.

"HEY!"

"What?" He asked, getting a bit annoyed.

"You're Draco Malfoy! And, and, - " She paused tilted her head to one side and pointed at herself. "And I'm me! And a moose is...A moose!"

Charlie looked at him with a big smile. "Right? Am I right?"

"What the hell..."

Charlie blinked a little before smiling again, this time with an embarassed blush. "Sorry. I haven't introduced mysefl. My name is - "

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You're Charlie Kiba."

Surprised, Charlie's jaw dropped. "How'd you know? Have you been watching me sleep at night? Do you follow me around with out me knowing it?" She let out a loud gasp and pointed at him again. "STALKER!"

Draco rolled his eyes. "You're name was called during the Sorting Ceromony."

Charlie's lips quirked at that acting like she hadn't just flown off the handle. "Oh yeah. I felt so tall next to those munchkins."

"You shouldn't have been. You're a shortstack."

That wasn't expected, but once Charlie had gotten what he said, she giggled. "Yeah, I'm a bit short for my age."

Draco turned his back and bent over to pick up his books, intent on ignoring the girl behind him. A frown showed on his face when he noticed one of his books was missing. He straighted up, only to find himself almost nose-to-nose with Charlie, who was smilingly holding his 'lost' book out to him. With a scowl, he grabbed the book and started to walk away.

"Hey!"

With a growl, he spun to face her, getting angry that she wouldn't leave him alone.

"What do you want!"

"You don't wipe boogers on that do you? It felt a bit sticky."

His eyes widend, not expecting to hear that from her, much less the smirk she presently wore.

It was then that Draco Malfoy made his assesment.

Charlie Kiba was annoying.

He didn't know what compelled him to do such a childish thing, but as he walked away, he just couldn't help it. He paused briefly to turn his head to look at her . . .

And stuck out his tongue.

He snorted at the look of shock and annoyance that Charile had given him before he turned a corner an disappeared.

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"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I can't believe you actually had the nerve to-and he-ahahahahaha!"

Charlie pouted at the table, sat back away from her plate and glared. "It's not funny. . ."

"Wait wait," Ron said, holding his aching side from laughing so hard. The others were laughing too, it was lunchtime and Charlie had just told them about her. . .interesting encounter. FOR SOME REASON, the other four had found it hilarious.

Ron took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, and failing. "Okay,okay,okay. Now, what'd ya say Charlie? Pfft!"

Charlie's pout, if possible, had gotten bigger and poutier. "I said, it's not funny." she answered in barely above a mummble.

"Ha, ha, what?"

"I SAID, IT IS NOT FUNNY!" Charlie was now on her feet, and the whole Hall had fallen silent, including the staff table.

Dumbledore smiled and looked in the groups direction. "Miss Kiba, would you care to enlighten us as to what is not funny?"

Charlie looked up at him with an are-you-serious look before pouting again. "Okay well, once upon a time there was an octupus."

"An. . . octupus?"

"YES, Harry. An OCTUPUS. Anyway, this octupus one day met a starfish and ate all seven of it's legs-"

"Starfishes only have five legs, Charlie."

Charlie glared at Hermione. "WELL, _THIS_ ONE HAD _SEVEN_ LEGS. _OKAY_."

Now the whole school was listening.

" Well, as I was saying, the meanie octupus ate all _seven _of the starfishes legs, had an affair with a clown fish, then ran away with a salad fork, leaving the poor _seven _legged legless starfish to live out the rest of his life as a vegatable. THE END."

Charlie nodded her head, not noticing that she was now standing on a chair because she had gotten into her storytelling. "See Professor? Not funny at all."

"On the contrary Miss Kiba. I found it quite amusing."

Charlie fell ( anime style) off the chair with a loud thump and let out a loud yell. "_CHIKUSHO!_ "

**T.B.C.**

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(1) I don't own "Feels Like Falling" By Jump5. I love the song though!

Well, that's the end of this chapter! I just wrote this for laughs, and I'm gonna keep going even though it's a piece of junk.

Yeah I know they're a bit out of charater and Charlie is really stupid, but HBP bummed me out so I had to write something funny and pointless. In case anyone is wondering, Charlie is _supposed _to be stupid. Perfect contrast to Draco in my opinion.

When I told my best friend my fav. character is Draco she was like, _"What! Ew!" _Oh well, Sorry Kay-Kay.

Now, you see that cute little button down there? Click it . . .you know you want to . . . Anyway, anyone whose read any of my YYH fics knows I always have a random bit of info or something like that at the end of each chapter so here it is:

Don't eat erasers. Too chunky.

Ha ha. Catch ya later everyone! Ja na! Puggles! (peace + huggles puggles)

Dragon Mafia / Drama / Kazumi (yeah, I have tons of nicknames XD )


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